PHOBOS NOMOBOS!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about fear recently. Here's some of what's going through my head these days...

Fear controls me way more than I ever could have imagined. I mean way more. Instead of living my life in total trust in God and in total confidence that He is in control, I end up succombing to the following fears continually:

--fear of rejection by people
--fear of what other people think about me
--fear of letting people down or disappointing them in some way
--fear of not pleasing people
--fear of living my life with too much of a focus on pleasing people
--fear of silence (I always feel in times of silence that I should say something to break it)
--fear of being myself around other people (ties in to the fear of rejection)
--fear of never being able to be myself in front of other people because of the aforementioned fear
--fear of having a normal relationship with other guys because of my past struggles with identity and sexuality and my current hang-ups with friendship with other guys
--fear of never being able to have a normal, close relationship with other guys (again, due to the aforestated fear)
--fear of missing out on something big that God is calling me to do
--fear of being totally obedient to God
--fear of NOT being totally obedient to God
--fear of not being able to be the husband that my future wife expects me to be, in all kinds of different ways (she knows all about this, so it's OK for me to blog it)
--fear of losing my job because of stupid mistakes
--fear of getting stuck in my current job forever because I might miss out on another calling
--fear of having my eyes poked out while walking or running with scissors (yes this is a true phobia I have)
--fear of losing all or some of my teeth

Some of these fears are more prominent than others, and some tend to control my life much more than others. For instance, I don't refuse to pick up scissors from a fear of impaling myself. But I do worry about how others see me, probably far more than anything else.

I was talking to my friend Todd this morning, and he gave me some awesome insight: our greatest fears, the ones that paralyze us the most, are usually linked to the strengths and gifts that God has given us. For instance, someone who is a gifted leader will be likely to struggle with a fear of impressing or being accepted by other people. These fears, then, become less of a personal issue and more of a blatant attempt of the enemy to disarm the children of God of the very gifts and talents God has given them to be victorious for Him in. The enemy knows God will use these gifts to conquer and defeat him, and as a result, he is scared shitless.

In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul writes, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." John writes in 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

The only kind of fear we're supposed to have is the healthy kind--the kind that looks to God in reverence and in awe. That's what I want.

I'm asking God to deal with all of these fears in me right now by helping me to face all of them. Facing them means talking about them with others, writing them down, getting them out there where you can see them and how blatantly pathetic they really are as plots and schemes of the enemy. I choose to do all of this.

The Greek word for fear is "phobos". Since the goal is to live by having no more fear, my friend Ryan and I adopted a new saying, thus...

PHOBOS NOMOBOS!

Peace & grace
Steven