shining thru

new book

2008-06-17T12:27:00.002-06:00

I started reading a new book on the bus this morning, courtesy of my good friend Zach. It is called Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood by Nate Larkin. Very much a continuation of some of the ideas that John Eldridge brings up in Wild at Heart, only more focused on the need for men to have authentic and real friendships with other men. It is very frank, poignant, and has already gripped my heart in a powerful way. I'm going to love this one...

a leaf on the river, or floating vs flailing

2008-06-15T22:09:00.003-06:00

Last night at house church we took turns describing where we feel like we're at this summer--what is God doing in our lives during this season? This was my answer:

I feel like a leaf floating along the surface of a river. Now let me describe why, as this seems like a random yet poetic image. We're going through the exciting and yet often frustrating rollercoaster season of looking for a house this summer. Among some 50 houses we've seen in about 3 months, we've found several houses we really like, and both opportunities have sort of flopped. No need to go into that story, but if you want details you can email me or I may put another post on this story later. Erika has really been feeling a frustration with this and just wants the whole process to be OVER--to be moved in and done with all of the hoping and wishing and wondering whether this house will be the one or not, etc. I tend to be more on the opposite end of those feelings, continually sensing that God is taking us through this process in His perfect timing and will lead us into the right house at the right time for the right price and in the right area. (Erika knows this too, but the frustration gets to her more often than it does me).

So this brings the whole leaf thing into the picture. In all of the ups and downs of house-hunting and (eventually) house-buying, I really do feel like we're being directed, pulled, along by the great current of God. It's a peaceful and steady stream most of the time, while sometimes there is a stronger, faster current, and sometimes the leaf may get dunked for a bit when the surrounding rocks create rapids around it. But either way we know the leaf is going to continue to float along at the pace of the river. As long as it stays in the river, it doesn't stop. And of course there is no question of trying to swim away or flail about in the water--flailing is not in the nature of a leaf. It is a floater--even when it falls from a tree, it sort of just glides gently to the ground.

This is what I am called to be. A floater, not a flailer. There are so many things in the society we live in that scream to me that I'm supposed to flail about and swim this way or that--to latch onto this rock jutting out next to me because it looks quite secure, or to glue myself to that big hunk of clay because surely it's not going anywhere any time soon. To do my own thing, to look out for number one and nothing else, to kick and scream so as not to sink....

But then there's this other voice inside of me--the one that is softer than the gentlest whisper--which says, "Just float along and trust me. I'll take you where you're supposed to go." And I realize this is what I was created to be--a floater, not a flailer.

And so I rest in God and trust in Him. He'll take us where we're supposed to be.

Leviticus

2008-02-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

So Erika and I have been reading through the "Chronological Bible" every night starting on January 1 of this year. Over the last few weeks, we've gotten into the sections of Exodus and Leviticus that can sometimes seem dreary and redundant. I mean, let's face it, it's not the most uplifting thing to try to do a devotional conversation and prayer time after reading about skin disease treatment and how to handle bodily discharges.

And yet I'm amazed at how each time I read through Leviticus, God does reveal something new to me. How He wanted so badly for His people to stand out from the people of the land around them that He gave them very precise and specific practices and laws and responses to things. He says it repeatedly..."Do this because I am the LORD your God and I am holy". Because He is their God and because they are to reflect who He is, and because He is so UNLIKE anyone or anything we could ever find anywhere else, He asked His people to live in a way that would reflect that they are different, that they are unlike the inhabitants of the lands around them who do the things that break God's heart, such as sacrificing their children to other gods or doing the nasty with family members and anyone else who came along, thus breaking down the sacredness of sexual intimacy between husband and wife. I've heard many times that whenever you see something repeated in Scripture, you should pay attention to it because repetition is a very important literary device in Hebrew thought and culture to say "PAY ATTENTION TO THIS, EMPHATICALLY, FOR THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT!" God tells His people repeatedly that He is the LORD their God and that He is holy, therefore they are to be holy. They are a reflection of Him, and He cares about His reputation because He wants people to know who He is and what He is all about. I believe He wants us to draw from this, particularly given the world we live in today, which hasn't really changed that much from the culture of the inhabitants of the land of Canaan.

One huge thing that I felt that God was revealing to us last night as we read in Leviticus was the absolute necessity of having a mediator, a priest, to atone for our sins. In the Old Testament, the Israelites are required to bring forth animals fitting certain requirements for the appointed priest to sacrifice for them so that the shedding of blood and the sacrifice would atone for their sins. God tells His people multiple times that they are not to try to make these sacrifices on their own, but that they must bring them before a priest who can make atonement for them.

It didn't seem to make sense to me at first why the people couldn't just offer the sacrifices on their own--I mean, the priests were already following a bunch of other requirements that probably monopolized their time, so why not help them out a great deal by letting the people slaughter the animals on their own? Then it occurred to us as we read last night that God was setting the stage for the ultimate MEDIATOR and PRIEST, Jesus. He is the one who sits before God and intercedes on our behalf, He is the one who atones for our sins--actually by sacrificing His own blood--and He is the one who did the work so that we would not have to. So basically it dawned on us that God is painting a beautiful forepicture of what He's going to do by sending His Son Jesus a bit further down the road.

So we're just once again amazed at how God's Word is never boring, even when you're going through those creaky chapters that go over the law and Hebrew practices in detail.

Clean slate

2007-07-03T12:43:00.001-06:00

At house church Sunday night, we talked about how God is taking our ideas about church, prayer, etc, and wiping the slate clean, giving us a fresh start on how we see these things. Sometimes the really old things can become fresh and new and full of life in a way we never experienced before.

During our discussion, I saw a vision of God wiping a page clean, removing all the print on it, and presenting a new, white sheet of manuscript (it looked kind of scrollish or papyrus-like actually) to us, and I knew it to mean that God wanted to wipe clean all of our previous conceptions and misconceptions about church, particularly the really old things. That He was going to make the old new again and show us things through new and fresh eyes.

I wanted to share an of one of the ways God is showing me this. My brother-in-law Sean sent me a link to this website that gives you different prayers used in the Episcopalian community thoughout the day, and I have started doing the noontime prayer here at work. It has been a huge blessing, and a refreshing 5-10 minutes to take during my lunch break and allow the Lord to refuel, refresh, and refocus my heart. Here's the website if anyone is interested:

http://www.missionstclare.com/noon/noonlist.html

Have an awesome day!

Steven D

Neighborhood shootings and the everlasting peace of God

2007-07-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

I wanted to share a random and interesting thing that happened to us this weekend, which reminded us of God's amazing and everlasting promises.

Sunday morning, Erika and I had a leisurely morning sleeping in, and I woke up around 9:30 or so, let the cat out of the guest room where we exile him at night (otherwise he tends to come in and pounce on our heads at 4 AM), took a shower, got dressed, made the bed, etc, and around 10:00 finally made my way into the kitchen/living room area to make us some coffee. I clunked around in the kitchen a bit, then decided I should head over to the window to open the blinds and let the beautiful Sunday morning sunshine in. As I got to the kitchen table window, that's when I noticed that there seemed to be what looked like pieces of white paper shredded up all over the floor.

"Oh, Moses must have gotten ahold of something and taken it out," I thought. But then I realized there seemed to be a chunk missing from the wall at eye-level with me next to the window-seat area. And then as I walked around the couch to inspect it, I discovered that there were tiny shards of sparkling glass all over the carpet, intermingled with bits and pieces of our wall and of white paint. That's also when I found the circular hole in the window and heard the sound of lawn mowers outside through the broken window.

"Ok, so a rock must have come through the window," I thought. So I picked up my phone, called the building maintenance people to tell them we needed someone to come repair a window, but then I realized that there was the chunk missing from the wall too. A rock sure didn't do that after coming through the window! So I told the building maintenance people about this too, and said I thought maybe someone stabbed a spear or a long piece of pipe through our window. And as I said it I realized how dumb it sounded, but it still hadn't registered in my head what must have happened.

Then I headed over to kitchen to start making coffee, and that's when I found the 45-caliber bullet on the carpet and an indention in the wall where it had hit before falling to the carpet.

The rest of the morning consisted of me calling our sister-in-law Heather to see what we needed to do (as she is our source for any information on what we should do when we're not quite sure if we should call 911 or go somewhere else to report something), calling 911 and discovering that when you do that on a cell phone it automatically puts the phone into "Emergency Mode" which disables vibrate mode and text messages, watching cops pretend to re-enact the latest episode of CSI in our living room, watching neighbors outside walking around staring at the 3 cop cars at our apartment and thinking, "well, we thought they were such a nice couple, but I guess they weren't, he must have beaten his wife or something", Erika making waffles and offering them to the cops, the maintenance guy showing up and scratching his head as he stared at our wall and at the window, Moses freaking out and hiding under the bed as usual when we have more than 2 strangers in the house, and me getting into a conversation with one of the cops about sleep apnia and CPAP masks and him telling me I need to start using mine.

As far as we can tell, what happened was that a shooting broke out around 4 AM behind the King Soopers grocery store in the building next to where we live. Some people were shooting handguns, and nine shots were fired, one of which made its way into our apartment without us even realizing it. Of course, Erika and I are such heavy sleepers (Erika sleeps with earplugs since I snore) that we didn't hear a thing, or even notice anything odd until it was time for coffee. The cops said no one was killed in the shooting, but a girl involved in the fight was injured, though it wasn't too serious an injury. This was a big surprise to everyone, as our neighborhood is typically a safe, non-shady neighborhood. We're thinking about asking the building management to lower our rent!

The coolest thing about the story though is that God used it as a reminder to us that He is in control and that, despite all of the dangerous things that could be happening around us at any time, we know we are in His hands and that he is protecting us. Whether it's in the case of a drive-by shooting, a battle with immigration, an unknown future, a dark night of the soul, or any kind of opposition, God has us in His grip and surrounds us with His peace. Now we may not necessarily be in La-La Land during all of the opposition, but we certainly did sleep through this one!

the new 4-letter word

2007-04-28T12:42:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking lately about a word I'd like to remove from my vocabulary. It all started a couple of weeks ago when I was at a lunch gathering with some other Christians, and the guy speaking started sharing about how he had realized how the new word of the decade, the word that he heard at least 50 times a day if not more, was a four-letter word that he wished he would never have to hear again--a word that so clearly represents what our culture has become, much to the detriment of our physical and spiritual and emotional health, and certainly much to the detriment of the God who created us.

The new four-letter word is "BUSY".

You hear it EVERYWHERE you go and from nearly EVERYONE you talk to in any sphere of life these days. Everyone is BUSY. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it and seeing it that I think I'm just going to start bleeping it out of my vocabulary...A typical conversation nowadays, in passing, goes something like this:

[Tom is walking down the street and bumps into John]
--"Hi, John! I haven't seen you in a while. How's it going?"
--"Hey, Tom! Well, I'm OK. Just really [beep!] these days."
[A familiar voice chimes in, it becomes apparent that Martha has stopped to greet Tom and John]
--"Hey, yall! How are you doing these days? It's been forever!"
--"Hey, Martha! Good to see you. I'm sorry I haven't returned the email you sent me a couple of months ago--I've been meaning to get back to you, but I've just been so [beep!]."
--"Oh, that's OK, Tom. Actually I'd forgotten I sent you an email. With my new promotion at work, I'm keeping very [beep!] too. What have you been up to?"
--"Well, I have been pretty involved in this new ministry that we started up at our church. We really believe it is going to make a huge difference in people's lives. But ever since we've started it, my wife and I have been super [beep!] and haven't had much time to invest in relationships or anything else."
--"Wow, Tom, that sounds so great. We'll I'd better go, the boss is waiting! And I have a really [beep!] day ahead of me! You take care, and tell Samantha hi for me! John, it was good to see you too, take care!"
[Tom and John wave goodbye as Martha rushes off down the street]
"Well, John, I hate to rush, but I need to get going too."
"OK, Tom, that's fine. I'd ask you to join me for coffee sometime this weekend, but I have a really [beep!] weekend ahead."
"Thanks, John, actually me too. We'll figure something out sometime soon. Take care and God bless!"
[Tom and John hurry off in opposite directions]

How is it that we live in a time in which we have so many inventions to save us time and energy, and yet we still find ourselves so [beep!] all the time? I just don't get it. Instead of creating more free time, more downtime for ourselves, we find ourselves being ever-more-overwhelmed by a sense of drowning in things to do, tasks to take care of, meetings to go to, phone calls to make (which have become more of an obligation than a pleasure to us, unfortunately), emails to send (which we keep putting off because it stresses us out to think of all the emails we have to send and thus the whole joy of emailing people, the former excitement of hearing that "you've got mail!" exclamation upon opening your email, has nearly disappeared altogether). We even see our relationships as a burden these days--stressing out over the idea of planning a coffee date with someone whose friendship should actually be a source of joy and refreshment to your life. What the heck is happening to us?

God didn't intend for our lives to be this way. I really believe that. His whole reason for creating us was to enjoy Him, and yet day after day we miss out on it so much and end up living stressful lives that seem to pile up on us day after day and nail us into a coffin of [beep!]ness. Even (perhaps especially) in the church, the place where believers are supposed to find encouragement and rest and renewal, [beep!]ness reigns, and we often find ourselves instead stressed, fatigued, and overspent.

What the heck HAPPENED to us? Why the stress? Why do we feel so [beep!] all the time?

I have decided to start a revolution. Or continue one that started a long time ago. Maybe it is going on in other people's hearts as well--in fact, I know it is. I'm eliminating that four-letter word from my vocabulary because I refuse to live that way. God didn't intend for my life to be that way. I know this is true. I want to live my life enjoying God, enjoying my relationship with Him and with the people He places in my life, letting go of a personal agenda or a tight schedule that makes me stress out. I refuse to live that way.

Who wants to join me?

Enjoy the Silence

2006-08-10T13:08:00.000-06:00

In all of the thinking I've been doing recently (yes it does happen!) about the fears in my life, I've really started to notice the way I react to things a lot more and asking God to help me understand why I fear the things I do. Particularly silence.

[moment of silence depicted by this clause within brackets]

It seems that when I'm by myself, I've really learned to enjoy times of silence and solitude--it's refreshing, renewing, rejuvenating, and above all, it opens me up to hear what God is saying to me a lot clearer than when I have noises blaring all around me (ie television, 80s music, even worship music).

But yesterday something new occurred to me. I was sitting on the porch talking to my buddies Sammy and Ryan, and one of those inevitable moments of silence desended upon us. You know, when you finish talking about a certain topic and nobody moves on to another topic, so you just kind of sit there and silently contemplate until someone says something again. It is definitely a good thing, an awesome thing, to have such moments as this. I believe with all of my heart that these moments were meant to be enjoyed--that God wants to use them to point things out to us and to just let us worship Him in the sound of calm, still peace. But this calm, still peace, this enjoying of the silence is a far cry from what is usually going on in my head in such a situation. We're having a great conversation, then for some reason or another, silence ensues, and my internal dialogue goes something like this:

Man, it's quiet all of a sudden. I wonder if I said something wrong. I wonder if I'm supposed to say something now, but what could that be? God, do you want me to talk? Please show me what to say. I don't like this, it's too uncomfortable. Maybe they're thinking weird things about me. Maybe I said something freakishly weird and that's why nobody is talking now. They're looking at their feet, I wonder if I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something. What if I offended them by something I said? What did I say anyway? I can't remember. They think I'm really weird now. Or maybe they think I'm thinking weird or mean thoughts about them because I'm not talking. Why does this have to be so quiet? Why am I so uncomfortable? Do they feel the same way?...

And so on and so forth. So the epiphany that hit me yesterday as this moment of silence hit us was that I never seem to have this problem when I'm alone. Like I said, I do enjoy the silence in those moments. I love to "Be still and know that God is God" (Psalm 46.10). But what about when other people are around? My freakish fear of what other people think about me, or a fear of offending or disappointing others or of giving them an impression of who I am that is not accurate, sets in. And the last thing I am able to do in such a situation is be still and know that God is God.

God is challenging me. He's quoting Depeche Mode and saying, "Enjoy the silence." (or rather, they're the ones quoting something He's been saying all along). And I'm going to accept that challenge and start facing silence instead of avoiding it. Start asking Him what exactly it is that makes me fear it so much and to walk me through the healing and transformation that I know He desires to take me through.

Maybe He's challenging you, too. Care to join me on this new adventure, this new version of Fear Factor?

God in a tanning bed.

2006-07-20T15:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday something profound and yet simple hit me. In a meager attempt to darken my frothy white complexion so as to be more appealing to Erika on our upcoming wedding day, as well as to not blind the photographer when taking our photos, I had made a spur-of-the-moment decision on Monday to try out a tanning bed. There is a stand-up one at the Bally's gym where I go regularly, so I decided to inquire about it and ended up signing up for a month of tanning. Sales gal did a good job, what can I say?

So yesterday I'm standing in the tanning bed, no bigger than a 4'X4' hectagon, and the following thoughts occur to me. I've never prayed in a tanning bed before. Heck, I've never been in a tanning bed before either. But I know God is here with me. So I started praying, talking to God. About my life, about my fears and hopes, about how I wanted to get a tan without burning, everything. It was awesome!

And the following verse came to mind later...

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Take that bolded phrase, insert any location that you can think of, and know that this statement is applicable to that place. God is there with you. Anywhere and everywhere. Whether you want him there or not. So why not make the most of it and talk to him? Next time you're in a tanning bed or anywhere else, try it out.

So I thank God that in my time of flesh-roasting I had him to talk to.

PHOBOS NOMOBOS!

2006-07-19T12:56:00.000-06:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about fear recently. Here's some of what's going through my head these days...

Fear controls me way more than I ever could have imagined. I mean way more. Instead of living my life in total trust in God and in total confidence that He is in control, I end up succombing to the following fears continually:

--fear of rejection by people
--fear of what other people think about me
--fear of letting people down or disappointing them in some way
--fear of not pleasing people
--fear of living my life with too much of a focus on pleasing people
--fear of silence (I always feel in times of silence that I should say something to break it)
--fear of being myself around other people (ties in to the fear of rejection)
--fear of never being able to be myself in front of other people because of the aforementioned fear
--fear of having a normal relationship with other guys because of my past struggles with identity and sexuality and my current hang-ups with friendship with other guys
--fear of never being able to have a normal, close relationship with other guys (again, due to the aforestated fear)
--fear of missing out on something big that God is calling me to do
--fear of being totally obedient to God
--fear of NOT being totally obedient to God
--fear of not being able to be the husband that my future wife expects me to be, in all kinds of different ways (she knows all about this, so it's OK for me to blog it)
--fear of losing my job because of stupid mistakes
--fear of getting stuck in my current job forever because I might miss out on another calling
--fear of having my eyes poked out while walking or running with scissors (yes this is a true phobia I have)
--fear of losing all or some of my teeth

Some of these fears are more prominent than others, and some tend to control my life much more than others. For instance, I don't refuse to pick up scissors from a fear of impaling myself. But I do worry about how others see me, probably far more than anything else.

I was talking to my friend Todd this morning, and he gave me some awesome insight: our greatest fears, the ones that paralyze us the most, are usually linked to the strengths and gifts that God has given us. For instance, someone who is a gifted leader will be likely to struggle with a fear of impressing or being accepted by other people. These fears, then, become less of a personal issue and more of a blatant attempt of the enemy to disarm the children of God of the very gifts and talents God has given them to be victorious for Him in. The enemy knows God will use these gifts to conquer and defeat him, and as a result, he is scared shitless.

In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul writes, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." John writes in 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

The only kind of fear we're supposed to have is the healthy kind--the kind that looks to God in reverence and in awe. That's what I want.

I'm asking God to deal with all of these fears in me right now by helping me to face all of them. Facing them means talking about them with others, writing them down, getting them out there where you can see them and how blatantly pathetic they really are as plots and schemes of the enemy. I choose to do all of this.

The Greek word for fear is "phobos". Since the goal is to live by having no more fear, my friend Ryan and I adopted a new saying, thus...

PHOBOS NOMOBOS!

Peace & grace
Steven

lessons from my front yard

2005-12-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

Today I spent some time in my parents’ front yard doing some yard work. My parents’ home was one of many that Hurricane Katrina decided to ravage back in August, yet she spared most of the house and decided to spend most of her seemingly inexhaustible energy on the yard. There were about 40 trees that went down (most of them pine trees, this being the Pine Belt), and a miracle in itself was that only three of these crashed through the roof. Fortunately my parents were not hurt one bit, nor was anyone else on their street, as far as I know.

But the yard looked like a total war zone afterwards. If I’d have seen it with my own eyes, I probably would have cried—the photos my mom sent me were astonishing enough. Trees literally ripped out of the ground and tossed aside. Branches, pinecones, roots, and all sorts of debris thrown in all sorts of places except where they were supposed to be.

Today I got to help my dad with some of the ever-continuing restoration of our front yard. Here are a couple of reflections on this time:

--It’s funny how I can try and try to hear from God in all kinds of circumstances and situations and environments and yet still feel like I’m hearing nothing for months, and then one day I get out to do some yard work and suddenly I sense the Lord teaching me all kinds of lessons and giving me all kinds of impressions. Today was one of those days. I decided it must be one of several things (or possibly a combination): getting away from the noises of a busy life and into nature, where all I can hear is the chirping of birds, the sound of my shovel hitting the dirt, and an occasional car engine somewhere (because, heck, even when I try to have a quiet time recently, I usually have some sort of worship music blaring); knowing that I had nothing pressing in my schedule helped me to remain in the moment (because normally I’m constantly thinking about where I’m going next, or what I’m doing tomorrow or later today); doing mindless manual labor, one chore at a time, helped me to focus my thoughts (because usually my thoughts are darting all over the place as I do at least a handful of things at once). I think I need to get out and do manual labor in nature more often.

--Adam’s first job was to take care of the Garden of Eden; this was the role God gave him just after he was created by God (Genesis 2:15). Thus, working in the yard ties us deeply to our original purpose as humans. No wonder I always feel so close to God when I’m doing yard work. I should do this more often.

--As I looked at the pine trees around my house (and the holes in the ground from those that didn’t survive the ravaging Katrina), something stood out to me that reminded me of something I’ve heard before. The trees that were still standing were all either in large clusters or at least had a few other trees immediately around them. The ones that had not survived had been lone trees in the sense that they did not seem to have a community of trees just around them. I recall hearing somewhere a statistic that said trees in the forest are less likely to fall in a storm than trees on a prairie. Makes sense to me. How true is this for the follower of Christ—he who stands alone is more likely to fall than he who belongs to a living community of believers.

--One of the projects I worked on this morning was gathering up all the limbs, pinecones, roots, and other remnants of the pine trees that had fallen. Some of these were conspicuous and easily discarded, lying directly on the ground in front of me. But far more than this were buried just below a layer or more of pine straw and even below an inch or so of soil in some places. And I pulled up some roots from the fallen and dead trees—some of these roots were nestled deep into the ground, putting up a mighty big fight before they finally came up (some even needed some work with an axe before coming up). This made me think of all the things in our own lives that are residual—a twig here, a branch or deep root there—pieces of dead things that need to be thrown out, that needed to be tossed a long time ago. Baggage that is weighing us down or preventing new things from growing because it is in the way or soaking up and wasting valuable nutrients that need to be directed towards new things, living things, in our lives.

--Restoring something that has been wrecked, whether somewhat or to a massive extent, takes time and patience. God promises restoration and redemption, and although the redemption is immediate if we accept it, the restoration may take years. My parents’ yard was wrecked, and yet my dad is making progress in restoring it and eventually making it more beautiful than before. One section at a time, one project at a time. To try it any other way and with any other attitude would be too overwhelming.

--I spent a good part of the morning filling holes in the ground with dirt. I had to fill a wheelbarrow with dirt from a pile on one side of the yard and haul it over a somewhat rugged terrain to dump it into a hole in the ground where a tree used to be. It is pretty grueling labor once you get to load number fifteen. But when I finished filling one hole and we raked the dirt even across it, the ground was level and looked ready for anything to be planted there. Through this I sensed the Lord reminding me that He loves to fill in the holes in our lives and that this isn’t always the most pleasant experience while we’re going through it—sometimes it can be pretty grueling. Yet when it’s said and done, when the rake has been scraped across, so to speak, the way is made smooth and ready for whatever new things God wants to plant in the place of that hole.

--Perhaps my favorite random observation: There used to be so many ants in our yard—they’d attack me every time I did yard work. Today I didn’t see any ants. Not a single one. Where did they all go? Did Katrina blow them away, and if so, did they survive and start new colonies in some other place? This one really didn’t have any spiritual significance…

These are just a few reflections I thought I’d share.

a lesson from a new runner

2005-04-29T17:50:00.000-06:00

found this email i sent my friend charlotte last week (pre-race) and thought i'd post it...

I ran 5K again last night (Eric ran most of it but had to leave early to be home by 10) and am really getting stoked about the run this weekend. (Never thought I'd actually write such words about a month ago). It's so neat to see how far God brings us when we give something to Him--from barely being able to run 1 mile to being able to run 3.1 and still have energy for more. God is using this to teach me lessons about how we are capable of FAR more than we think we are...He created us to do so much more than we do, in the physical realm AND in the spiritual realm...yet we should never be overwhelmed by making it seem so huge, looming over our heads. Rather, we should take it one step at a time and trust that the Lord, the Living God, Immanuel, God with us, will give us every strength & every grace from His abundance of it to get us through each step, taking us a little further each time. I think I tend to get overwhelmed when I think of where I want to be spiritually and where I'm at now, seeing such a huge distance between the two. And God says, just like with running, "Steven, I created you to be able to run marathons, but you sure can't just up and do it without the proper training, the proper practice; Steven, I created you to be able to do amazing things spiritually, to perform miracles, to heal the sick, to cast out demons, to be bold and courageous in sharing My love with others, but you can't just up and do it without taking the time to get to know Me more, to love Me more, to believe Me more." One step at a time...the 5K is just one in many. My next step is the Bolder Boulder at the end of May! 10K is not so bad when you consider training and consistency...

a word from the Lord

2005-04-29T17:40:00.000-06:00

my foot's been hurting like crazy for a week now. i have no clue what is wrong with it, but it started hurting a couple of days before the 5k last saturday and has been hurting on and off ever since. amazingly (should i be so amazed at God's power, though?) it stopped hurting on the day of the race and i ran with the most energy and best time ever, without a problem.

but it came back shortly after the race. so i've been asking God to show me why it's hurting and haven't been getting any answers. i've prayed for healing and had people pray for healing as well. i was getting ready to go see the doctor if it didn't go away in another week, when i got this word from the Lord today through my dear friend charlotte, whom God uses in radical ways to bring all sorts of healing to people...

from charlotte:
So you might not want to hear this, but God isn’t ready for your foot to be healed. I don’t know why. But I told you that I couldn’t pray for it to be healed Sunday night either....Maybe if I can pray for your foot in person, I will understand better. I will keep praying for it and it will happen when God is ready. Maybe it is a test for me???? Sorry you have to carry so many burdens for me. First your fast for the sell of my house and now a limping foot. Let’s pray for what God is trying to teach the two of us.

Father, Please show us what we need to know. Show us what you want us to learn from Steven’s foot. Lord, we know that you want him to run, to run for You. Please help us to understand what we need to do for his foot to be healed and for him to continue running for You. Lord, I ask that Steven remember to ask Jesus to run beside him every time he runs, to remember why he is running and to spend that time with You, Lord. Oh Lord, we thank You for the lessons You teach us and we are ready to accept Your message!! We love You and praise You and accept Your will!! Amen.

i think she hit the nail on the head with this: i hadn't been using my running to spend time with God, but rather simply as an exercise. and i know God told me from square one that my running was to be an offering to Him, a gift to Him, a means of intercession but also of just learning from Him what He wants me to learn. and this is yet another lesson: i need to spend more time with Him. especially while running. not spending that time thinking about things that need to be done or talking to running partners like eric. i need to let that be a sacred time with God.

i receive this word from You, God. show me what to do.

The first race...

2005-04-25T17:20:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, I ran my first race, ever. It was HUGE. OK, so it was only a 5K, but still that was a big thing for someone who had never done any sort of race before (aside from Super Mario Kart, but that doesn't count, I'm guessing).

I had decided about a month ago that I was going to run the Denver Spring Fling after discovering it on www.runnersworld.com. (great site for runners, by the way!) So after praying about it, I felt the Lord telling me to go for it. He was going to be with me in every step of my training. I ran the idea by Eric, one of the high school guys in my discipleship group, and he got stoked about it pretty quick. For the next few weeks, we ran together about 5 times per week, mostly on the treadmill at the gym as we learned how to measure our speed and maintain control of it as well as our time. I did my first outdoor run the Thursday before the race and loved it. Not only was it a gorgeous day, but I ran around a beautiful lake in a park not far from where I live. This was the closest I felt to God yet while running. Being in nature, surrounded by His gorgeous creation, really connected me with Him in a new way as I ran.

The Denver Spring Fling was awesome. There were about 200 or so participants, so it wasn't an overwhelmingly large crowd. Denver City Park is an incredible place to hang out anyway, and running there was the icing on the cake. The weather was perfect--God's encouragement to Eric and me to just enjoy everything about the run. Especially Him.

We ran the race in our best time yet--30 minutes. That was a huge thing for me. I took the advice of Alice and maintained a steady pace (not too fast, not too slow), focusing more on the distance than on my speed. There is a GREAT spiritual lesson in that...focus simply on where you're headed one step at a time, NOT the amount of time it's taking you to get there; God will get you where you need to be at His pace, and a pace that He knows you can handle. Running too hard (harder than you can manage at the moment) will only pose a threat to you finishing the race.

Several times during the race, I pulled an index card out of my pocket that had a verse on it which Alice had referred me to. This verse was what gave me the encouragement not only to finish the race, but to desire to go even further and longer:

"But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not get tired, they will walk and not grow weary."
--Isaiah 40:31

a new hobby

2005-04-20T12:54:00.000-06:00

a new thing is happening in me.

the story starts a couple of months ago, or actually way before that. my sister alice is one of my best friends on earth (though it wasn't always that way, i thank God for making us friends). she and her husband Sean (another of my best friends on earth) are missionaries in tokyo, japan. i live in denver. needless to say, i don't see them too often, unfortunately.

several years back, this huge passion birthed in alice to run. not just a jog here and there, but a full-blown, all-out romance with running that has since led to her running and winning numerous races of varying lengths and styles, as well as running 3 marathons and placing 26th out of 3000 people in an international japanese marathon last month.

in the meantime, i had never considered running, using the excuse that i had a bad knee, that i didn't have time or simply didn't feel like it. so alice told me a couple of months back that she was about to slow down and stop running so much in order to start trying to have a baby. to me, running seemed like a huge thing for her to give up, since she's into it so much. but i knew she would have to run a lot less if she were to get pregnant. last month, i got a call from alice & sean, letting me know that i am going to be an uncle in november. this was something i'd been hoping and praying for for some time now, so needless to say, i was ecstatic. it turned out she had run her last marathon while carrying her baby! the little butterbean will have been a runner before he/she's even born!

i was at the gym shortly after receiving this news, and out of nowhere i found myself climbing up on the treadmill (which i've never done before--always stuck to the bikes or elipticals or weights in the past) and starting to run. as i did this, i asked God, why am i doing this? the answer was so clear to me, coming from the Spirit of God in my heart: i want to teach you some new things about me, steven. it's time to run. it's also time to pick up the torch and carry it for alice and the baby.

so i ran. it's not a forrest gump thing, it's a God thing. i felt like running, so i did. and it has become a near obsession. a passion which goes unneglected, unforgotten in my heart and in my life each day. and God is teaching me HUGE lessons in all of this, about a relationship with Him, about dedication, perseverance, trust, accountability...

and as i run, i also think about my sister alice. i pray for her and the little butterbean in her belly. for his/her future, for health, for adventures, for life. and i just think about God.

it's a new hobby that promises to be so much more than just a hobby...

Walk by the Spirit

2005-03-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh." Galatians 5:16

Those who try to live by the law alone become prisoners of it, condemned by their inability to keep it. They reject grace. Paul tells us not to live like this, but rather to walk by the Spirit. Only in doing this can we be free from being prisoners of the law and prisoners of our own sinful nature in the flesh.

How can I walk by the Spirit? I struggle with this sometimes, adn I believe this is because I try too hard. That's just it; walking by the Spirit is not about trying, not about my efforts and work. It's about submission, allowing Him to take control--and all I am to do is follow Him in His leading. Sure, this requires some sort of action on my part, in response to what the Spirit is doing, but it is not about my own strength, effort, output. In my tendency to jump on the bandwagon of any ministry needing help and to actively seek out ways I can "please" God, I need to realize this truth and live it: it's not about what I do. It's about Who I'm walking with.

Lord, please help me. I have become so focused on my own actions and seeking my own righteousness and perfection that I far too often leave no room for the Spirit to lead me. Forgive me, Holy Spirit, and please teach me to submit to Your leading. Let me walk by You alone. I love You!

Who are you trying to impress?

2005-03-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Paul writes about the tendency certain believers have had to teach a "truth" contrary to the Gospel, or in conflict with it in order to please other men who, for whatever reason, do not accept the Gospel as it is. He recognizes that, if he were to do this, he would be seeking to please men, and no longer God.

Though I don't attempt to teach any "truth" contrary to the Word of God, I far too often seek to please men in other ways. Out of fear of offending or angering someone, I keep my mouth shut about Christ in social gatherings. Seeking acceptance from people, I often allow the flames of raw faith to be watered down and fizzled out in my own life. I don't want to be like this; I want to seek to please and be favored by God alone! He already favors me, but is He always pleased with my actions and decisions? Not so much these days, I'll bet...

Jesus, I love You. And I want to show You this by seeking to please, obey, trust, serve You rather than indulging in the approval and favor of men. Please help me to be Your bond-servant, not one of the world. I need You! Your boldness, Your unabashedness, Your commitment...Help me. I love You.

World Mandate 2005

2005-02-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Just got back from an awesome missions conference that has become a yearly event very dear to my heart, in Waco, Texas. Here's some immediate responses I threw together in my journal about what God is doing in my heart right now:

What an awesome weekend. What are the things that God did in me this year during World Mandate? Well, one thing I noticed was that I wasn’t so focused on seeing people from Austin and other places, but was more focused just on connecting with God. This was an awesome thing because I feel like last year I was still going through some major detachment issues from Hope in the City and really felt the loss of having left that church behind. So when I saw people from Hope, all these feelings of how much I love and miss Hope in the City and the people in Austin resurfaced, and the weekend became largely about reconnecting with friends from Hope as opposed to connecting with God. He did finally break through and get to my heart towards the end of the conference, but I was still going through a lot of stuff inside as far as seeking reconciliation and healing in various hurts that had recently gone on in my heart as far as relationships.

This time around, it had been over a year and a half since I left Austin, and after this summer even, I really feel like Grace Church is my home church, and Denver is my current home. I don’t long for the days of Hope in the City any more as I did before. I still find it an amazing church, and I still love it, but it’s no longer my home church, and I know that in my heart now as well. So the result was, I got into Waco with Vern, not eagerly and constantly seeking out the people I miss from Austin, but just ready to connect with God. And it helped that we got in a little late, just in time to catch the worship session before the first speaker—in other words, no time to get all distracted by seeing familiar old faces. I tend to get distracted so easily from connecting with God (mostly by people and relationships) that it was very helpful to avoid that completely as we entered into the conference. Incidentally, I did connect with some Hope friends during the weekend, but it was nothing like last year. This time it was simply catching up and then moving on—not dwelling on how much I miss them, etc, and not even trying to get in on everything they were doing outside of the conference (meals, etc). It was, this year for me, a time of connecting with God and letting Him recapture my heart and stagger me with Himself in a new way.

I do feel without a doubt that my life is now somehow connected with Antioch ministries. My heart swells when I think about how God is using them, and although I have no clue how, I know that there is a connection between me and them, that God has something in store there, whether it’s me being involved in an Antioch church one day or simply continuing to attend World Mandate each year and bringing more people with me each year. Vern and I are already committed to coming to WM as often as we can, and I’ve decided to make it a goal to bring at least one or two other people next year, if not more, from Denver. Who knows? I love the way Antioch does everything—from worship to small groups to breaking the mold of how things have been done in the past…and most importantly, to their missions mindset. I sometimes feel left wanting in some of these areas at Grace, despite the fact that I know this is the church God has called me to stay in for now as my home church, as my “Antioch”, so I’ve said in the past. I do long for the Lord to generate change and revival and renewal in the body at Grace, and I believe He can and will do this through me if I concentrate on Him and provided I remain free from a rebellious spirit or from seeking to undermine what men and women of God have built and invested in. I only long to see people grow more passionate and crazy about Jesus and to express this in their everyday lives. I know, though, that this must start in my own heart and in my own life before it can spread through me!

So this is a big thing that I have felt the Lord speaking to me this weekend. I long to have more of a passion for Him. We sang a song this weekend that goes, “I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion for You, only You.” This is the cry of my heart and has been for a long time. Sometimes my heart gets to a point (because I allow it to get there) where it burns with passion for Christ, but this is not an ongoing thing. And yet this is what it is going to take to really go off the deep end for Christ—which is what I long to do. I long for people to think I’m crazy because of my love for Him and my obedience to Him. I yearn to desire Him more and more every day. I yearn to obey Him without hesitation and without doubt. I have such a tendency to doubt, to worry, to think that I don’t’ have what it takes to do what God is calling me to do. I step forward to make a decision, my heart leaps in my chest as I start on a journey towards total obedience to God…and then my mind kicks in and I start listening to Satan’s whispers telling me I don’t have what it takes, that I won’t make it, that it’s too hard a commitment to make, that I might get uncomfortable and I don’t long to get into a position like that. I realize the truth of that last part—that I don’t long to get into uncomfortable places of persecution—and yet I know deep down that Christ will help me get there if I take it one day at a time.

Jim Yost spoke Friday night of radical change for Christ, of radical and total obedience to Him that gets us totally out of our comfort zones and all the things that we hide behind. And my heart longs to go there—I felt it this weekend. But my thoughts and logic started churning immediately and telling me that there was no way I could get to that point. That I’m too far away from total obedience, and that I’m better off just doing little things here and there and staying in the comfort zone. Granted, what’s comfortable to me now used to be very uncomfortable (ie I can talk about my past hurts and areas of sin and struggle in my life now in a very vulnerable way and not be afraid, whereas I used to be terrified of this). God is changing me, but only at the rate I’m allowing Him to. What if I were to let down all the walls and open the doors of change in my life so He could do what He really wanted to? Things would never be the same. This is what I long for. And this is what I decided to do…to lay it out on the line more and more, to proclaim the name of Jesus even when it feels “unacceptable” because it’s not “PC”. To jump at the opportunity to share Christ with people, even when I’m tired or rushed. To live for Him and not just survive and bounce from one organized ministry activity to another, leaving all the stuff in between without taking any opportunities for sharing Christ with words and actions.

All of this is huge stuff—big changes, I know. And yet I know it all depends on taking one step of faith at a time. One step of obedience after another. God will meet me if I step out in faith.

Another thing I noticed this weekend is that I found myself seeking to apply everything that was being said for the majority of the sessions to Uturn, to the place I’m at now. I know this wasn’t the case last year…and I know that recently I’ve been left wanting with what Uturn has become. So how can I apply what I’ve learned this weekend to Uturn? What have I learned this weekend? Well, a huge thing is seeking to be passionate about Jesus, and Jesus alone—not events or plans or ministries or people. This is one thing I’ve kind of slipped away from and am asking Him to bring me back into on a daily basis. I have no clue what this looks like in practical form, but I am asking God to show me little by little and to help me understand—and to be able to communicate and perhaps even initiate this with the kids and other adults. I kept thinking during the weekend—man, if they could all just come hear this and experience what God is doing through Antioch and its connections, they would totally get it! But maybe that’s why God sent me here to Waco. To receive and then to impart this to others where I’m from. Or maybe it’s just to prepare me for whatever He has for me down the road. Who knows? He will show me in time. I’m in no rush. I just want to see Him work through me and glorified in Grace Church and in Uturn. Through total obedience to Him.

So it seems the conference really fed one of my promises to God this year: obedience. I asked Him to make me totally obedient to Him in 2005, and haven’t really started out on the best note—I haven’t gone out of my comfort zones very much since last year. And God is calling me to do this in obedience to Him. I just need to learn to hear what He’s telling me and follow Him.

Finally, related to obedience to God in my life, another issue that God used to shake me this weekend came out during the prayer/ministry time on Saturday night after the message. I was responding to a bunch of things in my heart, the biggest being just wanting to get back to loving Jesus and being enamored with Him above all else. I went towards the front of the room for prayer, but there were so many people responding and going up front that I only made it halfway up the aisles before stopping along with hundreds of students. So I just worshiped God in the aisle and asked Him to show me what I need to do next, how to get where He wants me one step at a time, and then I just felt this strong yearning desire to have a word from Him. To have someone speak a prophetic word over my life that was from God, without a doubt. I sometimes feel like I have trouble hearing His voice because of all the other noise in my life, which is understandable. I know I need to clear out that noise and allow myself to hear Him when He is speaking to me, for He is always speaking. Yet I’m always so encouraged when people have a word for me. So I asked God for a word, desperately desiring someone to come up and tell me they had something to tell me that God was telling them to speak to me. And it didn’t happen that way, but what did happen was this: a couple of students went up on the stage and spoke things God had placed on their hearts. A guy who got up to share said that God had impressed on his heart that there were a number of people struggling with doubt and fear about not having what it takes to do what God is calling them to do, about failing, not measuring up to what it takes. He said God wants to encourage these people in reminding them that none of us have what it takes alone; it is Jesus in us who really empowers and releases. And for whatever reason, this just hit me square between the eyes and I started bawling in the aisle. I realized I have been holding back from so much out of fear—mostly fear that I’ll make a commitment to be obedient and responsive to all Christ is calling me to do, but that I will soon after not be able to manage and follow through. It seems like every time I respond to God asking me to go deeper and further and be more obedient to live on the edge, I quickly stop in my tracks and realize my heart isn’t ready to do that, or that there are still stubborn areas in my heart that don’t want to commit out of fear, out of doubt, whatever. Well, God reminded me Saturday night that it doesn’t matter what I think I have in me—because He sees deep down in me the things I don’t see, the things He has placed there, for His purposes. Like He called Gideon out of his cowering hideout in the threshing room floor, God meets me in my cowering place and greets me with the familiar greeting He used on Gideon: "The Lord is with you, oh valiant warrior!" (Judges 612). God sees the victories He has placed in me--the victories He wants to have through me--and refuses to see me through the eyes of misconception through which I tend to see myself. So last night I responded by saying, OK, God, whatever You want. You’re all I want anyway! And so I’m ready to commit to go off the deep end. Even as I type this though, there’s still that sense that I won’t be able to follow through with something, that fear or intimidation will threaten to stop me in my tracks yet again.

So here I am back in Denver and ready for what God has in store next. I just have to keep my eyes focused on Him. I just have to ask Him daily to enamor me with Him, to stagger me with Him, to burn with passion for Him and only Him, to yearn for Him and only Him. Lord, let it be! I love You!

Kicking off 2005 right

2005-01-03T13:59:00.001-07:00

There's no better way to kick off the year than by spending it in worship with your Maker. Along with about 80 kids and 15 adult leaders, I had the privilege of ringing in the year 2005 by consecrating my life to God at a weekend youth retreat up in the Rocky Mountains near Westcliffe, Colorado.

The blessings were multiple. First off, it was awesome to just escape the distractions that seem to build up in our lives, almost like a layer of silt that keeps us from seeing or hearing God and that clouds up the glowing joy that we as followers of Christ should exhibit to others every day.

Second, it is so cool to see kids surrendering everything to God, letting go of addictions and relationships and hurts--everything that robs us of an ongoing deep relationship with God. We saw lots of kids doing this over the weekend and experiencing new peace in Christ. Praise the Lord!

Third, God gave me the opportunity to spend some wonderful time with the guys from our youth group who went on the retreat; we bonded through push-ups competitions, volleyball, and bowling, but more importantly through praying together and spending devotional time in God's Word each morning. It's so groovy to see these kids learning to love God's Word and to seize its message for their own lives, and not to see it as simply a book that somebody is telling them they should read.

Fourth, I got the opportunity to pray for a number of kids during a ministry time on Saturday night. That was awesome! I have this tendency to think that I'm not emotionally or spiritually or mentally prepared to pray over people sometimes--which I know is not of God, because He is the One who does the ministry (not me), using me as a channel as long as I am willing to let Him. So I asked God to give me words to pray over these kids--and in response, not only did God give me specific things to pray for each kid, but He also gave me prophetic words for a number of them--either an image He gave me in my head or a specific thing I sensed in my heart that He wanted me to speak to them on His behalf. This is the first time that has ever happened to me, and I could see from the kids' response that God's message to them was right on, every time. Imagine that!

Finally, God challenged me in a mighty way to do two things this year:
1) simplify
2) obey Him

Doing the first will open up doors for me to hear God's voice and thus know how to do the second. I've got to stop being so thinly spread over so many things and place my emphasis on pressing into God. When I do this, and only when I do this, can I learn to hear His voice and obey Him. Funny how I used to be able to do these things, but as time passed and I got busier and busier doing "ministry", I stopped knowing how to recognize or even listen for God's voice.

So 2005, then, is about going back to the basics for me.

Lord, please help me to draw near to You. Re-teach me how to do this, and forgive me for overcomplicating something that is so simple. Walking with You is about depending on You for everything--not about working or doing. Thank You for Your love, Your grace, Your patience, and Your faithfulness...I love You!

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."
--James 4:8

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

Howdy from Hattiesburg, Mississippi! I jetted down here to spend a few days with Mom, Dad, and Meemaw, as well as to see Granny, other relatives, and friends on Christmas day. It's kind of weird this year, being the only kid at home. My sister Alice and brother-in-law Sean ended up spending a special Christmas alone together in Bali, my brother Kevin and sister-in-law Natalie couldn't get away from obligations where they live in Dallas, and all that was left was me, still fairly unattached and able to get away from Denver without feeling like I'm abandoning anyone and thus feeling relatively unguilty.

So, yeah, it's strange being the only kid at home. I always love coming home to family--God has blessed our family with a very close relationship and no lack of craziness or goofiness in our fun times together as a family. Especially in that past few years, God has been reconnecting and renewing our love for one another, grounded in Christ Jesus, from whom flows love like that of no other.

Here are some impressions from this trip to Mississippi--

--It's still humid here! Despite the altitude difference from Denver, it's still harder to breathe because of all the water in the air!
--It's SO awesome to go into a restaurant and order sweet tea and NOT have the server point to the sugar sitting on the table. They KNOW how to make sweet tea here, and they serve it everywhere! Praise God!
--They don't call Coke "pop" here. And neither did I until I moved to Denver...what is wrong with me!? I got some weird stares from my family the other day...
--Everyone here says "Merry Christmas" without shame and with sincere smiles. None of this "Happy Holidays" crap. Don't even get me started on that. If it weren't for Christ, this would just be another hopeless time of year, nothing special...
--Hushpuppies are a staple food, and I missed them very much in the Mile-High city! Oh, and greasy fried food is always in here, year round.

And one more thing I noticed: you know you've been gone a long time when you no longer recognize people in the mall or in Walmart, especially a couple days before Christmas. I remember a couple of years ago, I wouldn't be able to shop anywhere this time of year without running into at least 10 people I knew...and this time around I made it all the way through Super Walmart without meeting a soul I know. Where did everybody go?! I guess all the people I graduated from high school and/or college with have moved on...Yeah, it's almost depressing...

Praise the Lord for those few connections He gives you, those "random" meetings with brothers and sisters in Christ who encourage you, challenge you, inspire you, recharge you...remind you that He is sovereign in all relationships and allows them to ebb and flow according to His eternal purposes. Thank You, Lord.

Happy Birthday, Jesus! You are the BEST!

What do I choose, Lord?

2004-12-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

Have I ever complained about not having enough to do? Forgive me, Lord. I can't seem to remember a time like that in my life, though I know those moments have come around leaving me totally confused.

The thing is, I'm a person who totally overcomplicates things. If I have any freetime on my schedule and find out there's some sort of meeting or event I can be part of, I sign myself up without hesitation. As far back as I can recall, I have lived this way. And yet when I first came to trust Christ as Savior, I remember enjoying long and uninterrupted hours with Him, all alone and with no pressing items on my agenda. Just me and Jesus. What a rockin' time that was in my life. No distractions, nothing competing for my attention. It was like God pressed the "pause" button on my life so a foundation could be laid in my relationship with Him.

And then life started happening, slowly but surely. I got plugged into my first church and started getting involved with ministries, and everything looked so good to me that I just jumped on the bandwagon whenever anyone told me about a new ministry opportunity. A year after coming to the Lord, I found myself leading worship in one church, leading an international student ministry on campus, leading a prayer and outreach ministry in the cooperative I lived in, on the leadership team of two campus ministries, ministering to kids in an underprivileged apartment neighborhood every Friday afternoon, going to a couple of different Bible studies, each week, and diving into any other ministry I could get involved in, whether one-time events or weekly ones.

Now looking back on that time in my life, I am so thankful to the Lord for pointing out to me that I was not being a good steward of my time. All the things I was doing were great, for the Kingdom cause, but the problem was that I was not called to all of those things. God created humans with certain needs, including rest, and most importantly with the need to connect with Him in the quiet, away from all the activity of the world or even of ministry. He tells us in Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." Or in another translation, "Cease striving...". I have come to realize that I can't be where God wants me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and even physically, if I don't take the time-out to connect with Him one-on-one. Time to be still and know Him.

So why do I keep drowning myself in ministry? Why do I feel like I'm always darting about but never being still before Him? Why do I have such a hard time juggling work, youth ministry, missions, team-building, ministry to friends, leading worship, class in the school of ministry, the in-home ministry we've just started up, a high-school guys' discipleship group...? The answer: I'm doing too much. God is telling me that as clear as day, and has been for a while. He has told me through my Scripture reading, He has told me as I sing to Him in worship, He has told me through dear friends who care enough to confront me with it...And He has gotten through to me...He wants to teach me to simplify. To Keep-It-Simple-Stupid. Am I willing to learn?

Lord, please make me willing. I can't go on like this. I'm doing too much--again. I need Your help BIG time. Show me what to let go of and how to do it. Show me how to be still before You again. I love You.

Unto us a Child is born...

2004-12-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

For a child will be born to us, a Son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.

There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace,
On the throne of David and over his kingdom,
To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness
From then on and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this.
--Isaiah 9:6-7

So many of us know the first part of the passage above, thanks to Handel's Messiah and every Christmas radio station and department store that plays "For unto us a Child is born..." over the speakers. We hear that song, and it gives us a warm, fuzzy feeling as familiar memories of Christmases past fill our minds and hearts...and despite the beauty and eternal significance of the lyrics being sung by angelic voices, we so often become numb to what it really means.

What a wonderful promise this is! To a nation that has known only defeat and abuse due to its own choice to reject God, a promise to bring forth a ruler who will establish a righteous, eternal kingdom is overflowing with grace. And even bigger is the promise when we realize that it was not just for the nation of Israel...for God extended His Kingdom beyond His chosen people and onto the doorsteps and into the hearts of all people worldwide! Regardless of our mistakes and faults, our weaknesses and screw-ups, God has called us into His Kingdom and placed us in the arms of a beautiful Leader whose name shall be called...Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Pretty sweet if you ask me.

I'd seen this verse before and been deeply moved by it, but something new was pointed out to me the other day, and it has been rocking my world ever since. Continue on after the first part of the passage above, and you see a beautiful promise that is far too often overlooked or cast aside because it doesn't sound as festive as the idea of a child being born. "There will be no end to the increase of His government of peace." Now I've always recognized that there will be no end to God's Kingdom--hence eternity with Him--but it never dawned on me that the verse here is not talking about how long the Kingdom will last. Read it again. It's talking about the fact that God's Kingdom will never cease to increase! God's Kingdom will expand and multiply expontentially for eternity! What an awesome promise!

Look at how this has happened already. First Israel, then the whole world...and the Kingdom of God continues to expand today into places where it has never before reached the hearts of men. People are coming to Christ in droves all over the world. Missionaries are coming and going all over the place. Churches, whether in homes or in tents or in buildings, are popping up all over the place every day.

What does this mean to me? When I'm tempted to lose heart and hear people say that the church is in decline, it will no longer mean anything to me. It can't depress me and won't sink into my heart. For I know the TRUTH of what the Word of God says...

There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace,
On the throne of David and over his kingdom,
To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness
From then on and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this.

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

All things new...

2004-12-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

And the one sitting on the throne said, "Look, I am making all things new!"
--Revelation 21:5

Jesus promises His followers to put a new spin on things. The Jerusalem we see described by the apostle John in Revelation is brand spanking new, sparkling and pure before God, like a bride appearing before her husband. Jesus will bring renewal at the end of time as we know it, but He also brings renewal from square one in our faith when we trust Him...and He continues to renew daily those who pursue Him. He makes all things new continually.

I've seen so much of this newness in my life recently. When I got back from France at the end of the summer, God had done so many new things in my heart. Here's a quick list of things that Jesus has made new in my life recently. Props to Jesus for making the things on this list happen!

--recently, a daily renewal of passion for Him as I haven't experienced in a while, all of which started in France this summer and continues...
--new things God is up to in Colorado, as well as a new excitement for them
--new dedication to the ministries He has placed me in right now
--new studies at the School of Ministry, as I finish up my first semester and prepare to go into a new one of great learning and spiritual/mental challenges
--new endeavors in youth ministry, including a high school guys' small group, my first sermon series ever ("The Gospel According to Nemo") and a totally new ability to preach messages that I never knew existed, and new challenges with how to mentor and encourage kids to grow in their faith
--a new desire to stay here in Colorado where God has put me for however long He wants me here (as opposed to a previous haste to move to France way before God's timing)
--a new ministry with my housemates in the home we live in, which we call the House Plant...and very soon a new house with some additional housemates!
--a new appreciation and love for the pastoral team at Grace Church
--a new feeling of having a home church at Grace, a feeling I have never really had before; the feeling that I'm exactly where I belong and that I truly have brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, to reach out as extensions of God's grace, love, provision, wisdom, advice, support, and encouragement to me, the lone Mississippian of Northglenn, CO
--a new sense of direction and purpose in my life as God continues to unveil new aspects of what He has done with my past, my talents and abilities, my spiritual gifts, and my heart, all to show me the next steps in a lifelong adventure of ministry of which I can by no possible means see the big picture at this point (or possibly ever? except for in hindsight)
--a new surrender to God, to allow my own dreams to die so that He can give me dreams that come from Him alone and not me
--a new team of kids to work with, as we prepare to go together to minister in France next summer!
--a new job...even in the company that I left for 2 months this past summer to go to France, God has given me favor; within a month of my return, I was promoted, and now a few months later, I am being promoted again, with new responsibilities, new colleagues to minister to, and a new salary!

May Your all-loving, all-knowing, all-present name be glorified and praised for what You are doing in the lives of all who know and seek You, Lord Jesus! You truly do make all things new.

What things has He made new for you recently? Have you slowed down to think about it?

Impressions of Light

2004-10-25T13:17:00.000-06:00

About six months ago, I met a guy named Clint. He manages the Grease Monkey where my former job as an office services worker in the oil and gas company I work for required me to take in our company vehicles for oil changes. I was reading my Bible outside while an oil change was taking place one day, and Clint walked outside to talk with me. It was the first time I really had much of a conversation with him other than friendly chat when coming and going. That particular day, Clint and I started talking about the Word of God, I found out he was a Christian, and suddenly a brand new friendship took off. Over the next few months, I would talk to Clint at least once a week as I took vehicles in. We'd talk about Jesus, about struggles in our faith, about the Bible, and all sorts of other stuff. We got each other's phone numbers and started calling each other every now and then for encouragement and prayer together over the phone.

One day, on my way out the door, I grabbed an extra Life Journal sitting on the shelf in the living room. The Life Journal has a yearly Bible reading plan to go through and pages to respond to things God is speaking to you through the readings. I took it along with me to Grease Monkey when taking in a vehicle and gave the journal to Clint. The next thing I knew, he was devouring the Word of God like no one I've ever seen! Over the next few months, I was blown away at the changes I started to see in Clint. His excitement and passion for the Word seemed to be growing exponentially as he shared with me about what he was reading and learning, each time I saw him.

Last night I got a phonecall from Clint, whom I haven't seen in about 3 weeks. He shared with me how God is doing something very big and very new in him right now. He's been challenged to new levels of obedience and righteousness in His walk with the Lord, has been sharing with co-workers and friends like a madman, is helping disciple one of the other managers at Grease Monkey, and started up a Thursday-night Bible study. I could hear the authentic passion in his voice as he shared all this, and as he read to me from 2 Peter to describe things God is doing in His heart. That phonecall blessed me enormously.

It all started with an act of obedience. An off the cuff thing, really. God put it in my heart to encourage Clint in his faith, and I shared with him one of the things God has been doing to grow me (in this case, the Life Journal). It was by no means me, but the Holy Spirit who orchestrated all of this. And as a result of a simple act of obedience--giving somebody a journal and some words of encouragement--a life has been transformed, set on fire by the Lord, and many seeds are being planted. Thank You, Lord.

This brings to heart a verse that really challenges me anew each time I read it:

"You are the light of the world--like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father." Matthew 5:14-16

Lord, please shine Your light through me wherever I go. I long for my life to be nothing other than a light that You use to draw people to Yourself. May I never claim or receive the glory for what You are doing, but may I always give YOU the glory. I love You, Jesus!

God is Making Me

2004-10-01T13:47:00.000-06:00

In one of the classes I'm taking at the School of Ministry--Foundations of Christian Ministry--we're talking a lot about discovering the calling God has placed on our lives. This is a HUGE task, of course, because basically it feels like you're trying to put something that is too big for words into a box that is too constricting, too limited, and too pre-shaped by human hands to contain something whose shape is such that human measurements and descriptions are inadequate.

Still, words and ideas are all we have available this side of eternity. So kudos to my teacher for showing us how to use what God has given us to discover what He is calling us to be (both at present and in the future).

What' s on my heart and mind right now is the indescribable sovereignty of God in taking our lives and making something BIG for Him out of it. When it comes to the ministry in our lives, God doesn't start with nothing--He takes the raw material of our lives to build a destiny for us. Our encounters with Him, our hot buttons and passions, our many screw-ups, the things that make us different from anyone else...There is so much stuff to reflect on. In class last night, I started thinking about all of the places God has taken me, all of the things I've seen and done and felt and dreamed, the things that get me excited and the things that really piss me off, the stupid things I've done and the shame and fear that has resulted, the people who have hurt me and the people who have blessed me...the good, the bad, the ugly...

I realize now that God wants to use--and IS using--ALL of these things mentioned above to make ME. He made me in my mother's womb, and now He's MAKING me. He's weaving together my past experiences--even the things I wished I'd never gone through--with my passions and abilities, my mistakes, my dreams, my hopes, my downfalls...all of these things and more will come together to form a calling that God has placed on my life.

Pastor Sam used a very accurate analogy to describe a calling. Our life is a supermarket. All of our experiences, feelings, passions, abilities, hang-ups, etc, are like different items in a shopping cart. Our calling is not so much the sum of all the items in the cart, but rather the MEAL that is going to be prepared with the items in the cart. So God might use the things in my cart to cook up spaghetti casserole, or to prepare a meat stew. Only He knows, until He chooses to reveal this to us. And this is where I'm at right now: I have a large number of ingredients and utensils in my cart, and I have a general idea of what kind of meal it is going to be...but the specifics? No clue. And I'm OK with that.

What's in your shopping cart? What kind of meal do you feel will be prepared with it?

True Light

2004-09-28T13:33:00.000-06:00

Scripture--
"No one lights a lamp and then hides it or puts it under a basket. Instead, it is put on a lampstand to give light to all who enter the room...If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight is shining on you."
Luke 11:33, 36

Observation/Application--
Jesus talks a lot about being light to the world--He calls Himself the Light of the world. When we receive Christ, we become His light to the dark world. As a kid, I remember singing "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." and doing all the cheesy hand-motions that went along with the song. I sang that song all over the house, all over school, and everywhere I went. (Yeah, I was a dork.) Funny how I seemed to grasp that concept so much better as a kid. Am I ever-conscious of being the light of Christ to the world now? Maybe I need to learn a lesson from the kid version of myself. If we're truly carrying the light of Christ, then it will give light to ALL who are in the room with us, to ALL who come into our lives. Not just to certain people we "feel" like ministering to.

One thing God has really been challenging me on in the last year or so is transparence. Being real with people, and being the same person--the person God made me to be--no matter who I'm with. Taking off the mask. Being honest, rawly honest. Acting the same way with my non-Christian friends as I am with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And it is HARD to do. The verse from Luke 11:36, talking about "dark corners," really challenged me on this a little over a year ago: I realized in about February of 2003 that I had a bunch of dark corners in my life. Secrets and past mistakes I was afraid to let people know about because I didn't want to be judged or rejected. But God showed me that this fear and this attempt to keep some dark corners in my life were only holding me back from letting His light shine through my whole life. So I began to let go of it all. I confessed sins, revealed my innermost fears and secrets to the people I was close to, asked for prayer in these areas, and as a result began to grow tremendously in my faith and in my witness to others. That radiant life that Jesus promises began to flow through me in new ways! In true light, there is no darkness.

Are there any dark corners in your life? Is God asking for you to let Him shine His floodlight there to get rid of the shadows?

Prayer--
Lord, thank You that You are the true light. You give light to all men. Please help me to allow You to shine Your light into every corner of my life, that my life might be a pure and holy reflection of Your radiant light. I love You.

Here and Now

2004-09-27T15:57:00.000-06:00

Scripture--
"As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, 'Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.' But the Lord said to Martha, 'My dear Martha, you are so upset over all these details! There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it--and I won't take it away from her.'"
Luke 10:38-42

Observation--
Here's the setup: Jesus stops in a village on the way to Jerusalem and pops in on Mary and Martha. We see two different attitudes toward life and two different attitudes toward Christ reflected in this event. Mary sees Jesus and comes to sit at His feet, listen to Him, contemplate Him, and just be near Him. Martha, on the other hand, sees Jesus enter into her home and puts herself to work cooking and cleaning to get things done for Jesus--adhering to the unwritten law of hospitality that is such a huge part of her culture--but not necessarily honoring Jesus in her heart...Here's what I picked up from this passage:

Attitudes toward life--

What Mary would say: "I live in the now, and take the time to value what is going on around me, paying close attention to what God is up to in the here and now."

What Martha would say: "I live for the future, worrying about and focusing on tasks that need done, and as a result I tend to miss out on what God is doing in the here and now because my eyes are stuck on a future event or ministry (in this case, dinner!)"

Attitudes toward Jesus--

Mary: be with Jesus in the here and now
Martha: work for Jesus now and be with Him later

Which of these attitudes are we to take toward life? Which of these attitudes are we to take toward Jesus?

Application--
It's funny, God's been teaching me a lot about living in the here and now. I mean, like, these past 2 weeks, He's been teaching me that. I have this major tendency to think (and worry) ahead far too much, and the result is that instead of being present and in the now, taking things in stride as God brings them, I tend to be far off in the distance. As a result, I miss major things God wants to show me right there on the path where I'm at, and I miss huge opportunities to minister in Jesus' name to people who really need it. And I miss the enormous blessing that results from that, too.

So that's where I'm at, learning to live in the now. Some days it works great because I ask God to help me be intentional about that, and other days I kind of zone out and live anywhere from 2 hours to 10 years in the future. I can't do that anymore. That's not what Jesus did!!! Can you imagine? "Sorry, Bartimaeus, I can't help you right now; I'm on the way to My triumphant entry into Jerusalem and can't stop right now. Tough luck, bro. Make an appointment for sometime between now and my crucifixion, OK?"

Prayer--
Thank You, Jesus, that You are not that way! What huge blessings we miss by putting our minds at the end of the road and not actually on the block of path where we're at. Lord, please help us to learn how to live in the now!

Jesus Understands

2004-09-24T13:02:00.000-06:00

In Luke 7:11-17, Jesus stops at a funeral procession for a dead boy and revives the boy. Why does he do that? I know He does this for people to see that He is the Savior, but the Scripture also tells us that "When the Lord saw [the boy's mom], His heart overflowed with compassion." The only way Jesus' heart could overflow with compassion would be because He understands what the woman is feeling. The only way He could understand, truly, is by experiencing such pain and loss in His own life. Did He lose a relative? His earthly dad? A younger brother? His heart overflowed with compassion for this mother who had lost her son. Jesus understands us!!! We forget sometimes that He knows what we're going through...because He lived it. And his heart overflows with compassion for us! No matter where we've been. Good stuff.

Obedience

2004-09-21T10:39:00.000-06:00

I'm diving into Exodus and Leviticus this week for my Old Testament Survey class. Man, I love to read and reread about the life of Moses and how God accomplished His will for the people of Israel through this inarticulate murderer whose life was transformed by the presence of God alone. But this time around, I'm really getting more out of Exodus than I have before...Perhaps because God has changed my heart about the way I view the Old Testament. Thank You, Lord! Here's a thought for the day. Let's call it "Obedience".

Scripture--
"The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives...'When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live.' The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live...So God was kind to the midwives and the people increased and became even more numerous. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own."
Exodus 1:15-16, 20-21

Observation--
Pharoah was so afraid of the ever-increasing Israelites, which he viewed as parasites in his country, that he made a decision to snuff them out at the root--kill off the male population from birth. But despite the oppression and slavery the Israelites were living under (or perhaps because of it), the Israelites feared the Lord. They disobeyed the commands of Pharoah, who had political authority over them, in order to remain faithful to God. As a result, God honored them, giving them families, and increasing them ever more.

Application--
As an American, I consider myself fortunate and blessed to live in a country and culture where obeying the Lord does not conflict with the laws and orders of my government. And yet I almost long for such a situation, because I know this would challenge me to take a firm no-turning-back stand for my faith. I feel like American believers (myself included) have a tendency to be quite wishy-washy in our faith; because it is acceptable in our culture and government to say we follow Christ and to go to church and Bible studies, etc, the only opposition we face is verbal persecution and maybe alienation from certain groups of people. What would happen if we HAD to take a stand for our faith, if we reached a make-it-or-break-it moment in which a clear conflict presented itself through which we would have to choose our god, with the possible threat of imprisonment or death? These Hebrew women had to do just that, choosing between obeying Pharoah's commands and remaining safe or refusing to obey him and trusting God. And they chose to trust in the Lord. As a result, He blessed them and continued to multiply His people.

And if they had chosen to obey Pharoah? They still would have saved their own lives but at the expense of an entire nation that God was raising up to be His people. Are the choices we make based on obedience to God or obedience to the authorities that we live under? Is it OK to disobey the authorities if we become aware that what they are asking us to do is against God's Word? I believe so, because God's Word is true, without error, and has authority over all things.

I once had a boss who asked me to do her kids' English papers. So I did it, and with the cooperation of some co-workers we even managed to "help" her son win a state essay contest. I wasn't a follower of Christ at the time, so I didn't have as problem with this. But looking back on it, I realize that it was clearly dishonest of me to do that. Now I know that this wasn't a life or death situation, and the penalty of telling my boss no would only have resulted in some tension between us at work, but still I think it illustrates the point. I disobeyed God to please the human authorities in my life.

Have you experienced a situation like this in your life?

Prayer--
Lord, please give me the faith to obey You no matter what happens in the world. Thank You that I live in a society where it's "OK" to obey You, and many times even considered honorable by many people. But please help me not to be wishy-washy because of this. I want to stand for You and even ask You to put me in situations that would force me to do this in a bolder and more definitive way. I want to be willing to serve You and trust You and obey You, regardless of what the authorities in my life may tell me to the contrary. I love You. Amen.

Twenty-Seven

2004-09-20T13:11:00.000-06:00

Twenty-seven years ago today...

The Voyager 2 launched for a fly-by of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune...
Vietnam & Djibouti asked for membership in the UN...
"Estrada" opened at the Majestic Theater, NYC for 7 performances...
"I Just Want to Be Your Everything" by Andy Gibb spent its 9th week at #1 on many radio charts...

AND

...I was born in Forrest General Hospital in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

Funny, I don't really feel 27. The Lord has been so good to me. So good. So, Lord, here are 27 things I thank You for today, this first day of the 27th year of my life on earth:

1) Your love, transforming and unending, which reaches across every threshold, known and unknown
2) The dreams You have given my heart
3) Your faithfulness to fulfill these dreams in Your time and in Your ways
4) The unfailing power of Your Word, my daily bread--both as a meal and a snack-stop
5) Your provision in my life, day by day...I am never without because I am never alone
6) You, Holy Spirit, my dear friend and counselor...I can never go wrong as long as I listen to You
7) The relationship You have with Your children, who never ever could deserve someone like You but whom You still pursue endlessley
8) The way You pursued me even when I was hiding in the darkest, loneliest places...You never gave up on me
9) The opportunity to find rest in You, again and again, no matter how busy the world is...to rest beside Your peaceful streams and lie in Your green meadows
10) The transparence that comes upon those who spend time with You, a transparence which casts out all lies and superficiality, all fake walls come crumbling down
11) Music--the ability to create, play, sing, and listen to it--and how You connect us to Yourself so often with it
12) Cultural diversity--the way all peoples are different, speak different languages, live different ways, and thus make Your world an exciting place to live
13) Your constant steadfastness--which remains stable regardless of changing human cultures--which speaks across cultures and into hearts
14) Eternity--the fact that those who believe in You, Jesus, will spend eternity worshiping the only God truly worth worshiping
15) The way You use us to accomplish Your will
16) The wonderful, amazing gifts You give us, Holy Spirit, to use for the advancement of the Kingdom of God
17) Food and the awesome pleasure of eating
18) The way You defeated death and erased all of the bad things I'd ever done or thought or said--or ever will--so that I could know You
19) The beauty of nature--the mountains, the ocean, the forests, the desert--and how we see Your creativity and splendor in all of this
20) The ability to laugh and play jokes on people
21) The joy that never leaves those who have chosen to follow You--no matter what goes down
22) The way You hear our prayers and move mountains to answer them when we trust in You and believe
23) The gift of mentorship and discipleship and the way You use people to grow us and sharpen us...and how You use us to grow and sharpen others
24) The gift of technology, which allows us to communicate with people from anywhere to anywhere
25) Renewing the strength and youth of those who follow You (which is why I don't feel 27)
26) The wonderful family You have so faithfully given me, and the way You use us to challenge, encourage, and simply love each other
27) Friends, friends, and more friends...Lord, Jesus, You have given me such an abundance of these in places all over the world...please show me how to be a blessing to them

Lord, I have so much to be thankful for. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Pauls says to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". Please teach me to do this every day and not just on special occasions such as my birthday or Thanksgiving. Thank You, thank You, thank You! You have given me all these things.

I know it's not the norm to give away things on your own birthday, but......I want to give my life to You once again, Jesus. That's my birthday present.

I love You.

Moshing for Jesus

2004-09-16T14:06:00.000-06:00

Last night was my first official experience in a mosh pit. And to think a year ago I had no clue what "moshing" was. Dictionary.com defines the term mosh : "To knock against others intentionally while dancing at a rock concert; slam-dance". Sound fun? It sure was, even for an old guy like me. I definitely got slammed against pretty much every kid I'd never expect to get slammed into, and maybe part of it was "intentional knocking". But it was fun nevertheless!

For the kick-off of our Uturn youth ministry at Grace Church, we hosted a local punk band, Three Cord Wonder and had some 200 kids show up. It ROCKED. Now if there's one thing God has taught me about youth ministry this past year, it's that hanging out with the kids you're ministering to is of utmost importance. How can you possibly speak into the life of someone who doesn't KNOW you and whom you barely know? The cliche is still true: They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. When they know you care about them enough to get involved in their lives--to get your knees dirty, to mosh at the risk of getting trampled by a bunch of teenagers dancing about like a herd of squirrels on prozac--then they are likely to listen to what you have to say and pay attention to the way you live your life. And this is the beginning of true discipleship.

1 Corinthians 9:22 says, "I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some". If this means I have to become a teenager again--if that is possible--then so be it. Anything to see the hope of Christ come into these kids' lives.

Have you ever stepped completely out of your comfort zone to reach someone for Christ?

Families for the Lonely

2004-09-10T09:52:00.000-06:00

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:6

I've always been very close to my family. We make holidays and reunions HUGE events and make it a priority to have everyone home. I'm very close to my Mom and Dad, and I've been very close to my brother Kevin and sister Alice for some time now; and now I'm very close to my brother-in-law Sean and sister-in-law Natalie as well. And I have the best Meemaw in the world! The Daughtry family and the Collier family are such a huge part of my life and will always be, though I see them rarely these days. Mom and Dad are in Mississippi, Kevin and Natalie are in Dallas, and Alice and Sean are in Tokyo, Japan. And here I am in Denver for now, and bound for France one day.

One of the hardest things about moving to a new place is having to start from scratch as far as relationships are concerned, and not having a family around as a support system--which we all need direly. Having moved around a good bit in my life, I know this feeling. And I've learned the absolute truth of the promise of Psalm 68:6. God truly does set the lonely in families.

I moved to France in 2000 and knew no one. I wasn't even following the Lord at this point in my life, but God was still more intimately concerned with what was going on my life than anyone I'd ever known. And seeing that I was lonely, He gave me a family there. Mme Amm, my landlady, adopted me as her third son and from that moment on I was part of her family. She took me to birthday parties and to choir practice with her, gave me a bike to use, and got on my case when I wasn't eating enough vegetables and made me fresh vegetable soup a few times a week. The Amm family is still very dear to my heart--even more so now that the Lord is teaching me how to really love them as He does.

I moved to Austin in 2001 and knew no one. God gave me a huge family there, of both international students and then of many brothers and sisters in Christ at my church and at the Baptist Student Ministry on the campus of UT. He gave me a huge support system at the Pearl Street Cooperative where I spent two years...to the point that I often couldn't be alone even if I wanted to!

And finally, I moved to Denver in 2003 and knew no one. In less than a year, God had proved His faithfulness again in plugging me not only into the body of believers at Grace Church, but also into a real family here. I moved in with Ernie and Melissa, a young married couple from my church, this past February, and since then have found myself adopted by not only the Spell family (Ernie, Melissa and Ernie's sister Charlotte) but also the Corbet family (Melissa's mom and dad, Melissa's sister and brother-in-law), and with all of this comes lots of kids (Charlotte's daughter Andrea, Jay and Shanda's kids Kaylie and Kean). It has been a HUGE blessing! On Mothers' Day, on Easter Sunday, on Memorial Day, and other holidays that I've always spent with my family when back in Mississippi, God blessed me to be part of a family here in Denver.

Thank You, Lord, for Your provision of a family in a place where I knew no one at first. You are so true to Your promises. Always. I love You. Should I be surprised at Your faithfulness and Your provision, Lord? You promise it in Your Word! A verse comes to mind...

"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." --Mark 10:29-30

Championing Destinies, Re-creating Reality

2004-09-09T13:20:00.000-06:00

Last night was the first official lead-team meeting of the school year for the adults and kids who form the backbone of Uturn, the youth ministry at Grace Church. I am so stoked to see what the Lord is doing in these kids (and in the adult leaders!) this year! Coming back from a summer in France, I have a renewed perspective and zeal to see these kids' lives transformed by the hope and love of Jesus Christ. And I can clearly see how the Lord has spoken to the hearts of other adult leaders this summer; I sense that we have regained focus on the most important thing: investing Christ into these kids. His love, His passion, His joy, His peace, His purpose, His Word...

Curtis (our youth pastor) shared something last night that really struck me. He said that current statistics show that only about 4% of the generation of teens right now will come to know the Lord. That's about 800 young people in Thornton...out of 20,000 young people, total. How do we respond to this? Curtis shared what God has been speaking into his heart this summer: he is called to champion destinies and to re-create reality.

Wow. What an awesome concept...and a dream that God is calling His children to live out. Championing destinies in people, pouring new life into the wounded and dismayed and hopeless and stressed, speaking into their lives a new destiny of hope and healing and peace and purpose and then challenging them not only to see it but to seize hold of it and to live it. In so doing, we will see the statistic mentioned above, the 4%, completely surpassed, completely proved wrong. I want to live this way. I want to be a championer of destinies and a re-creater of reality. So, Mr. Statistic, I scoff at you! I ignore you, for you are only a representation of an estimation of what reality is at a given moment in time. Reality, I challenge you! You are not something unchangeable and unshakeable, for only God can claim these qualities. I will take you on and I will prove to you, Reality, that you can be re-created! And this won't be by my hands or work, but by the Lord Jesus Christ, through me and others who are willing to let Him work in and through us. For Jesus Christ comes to make ALL things new, to re-create all. (2 Corinthians 5:17). Including statistics.

This year is gonna ROCK.

Lord of the Rings

2004-09-07T10:20:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I took advantage of having Labor Day Monday off to spend the day with some dear friends of mine. We rose to the challenge of a pretty lofty task: watching all three Lord of the Rings movies in one sitting (extended versions for the first two films).

Now I'm sure there are countless books and articles and websites describing the Biblical allegories within the LOTR trilogy, and I haven't really looked into it too much. But I entered into this movie marathon with the anticipation that God would use images/dialogue from these movies to impact me for Him in some way. I wanted to jot down a couple things that really touched me from watching these films as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gandolf ROCKS. I can't help but get teary-eyed every time I see the scene in The Two Towers in which, just when all hope seems to be lost for those defending Helm's Deep--for all humanity--Gandolf shows up at sunrise, gleaming bright on a white horse, followed by a mighty army of thousands that pours down the mountain behind him into the massive swarming army of orks. The enemies draw back as they are blinded by the glorious light from Gandolf and the sunrise, and what follows is total victory for the army of men, thanks to the hope they are given by Gandolf. The thing that impacts me here is that Ganfold had promised that he would come with an army, and he kept his promise. The analogy I see here with Christ is that He promised us that He will come back one day in victory, in great glory...and He'll be riding on a white horse. He will defeat the enemy's forces. He will be victorious! He exists as the only hope for mankind. With the images during the scene described above, I see Revelation 19:11-19 come to life.

Samwise also ROCKS. Everyone needs a friend like him, but few actually find one. Where can you find a friend who would stick with you no matter what, even when you're overflowing with bitterness and jealousy to the point of poisoning your friendship? A friend who maintains hope and never stops encouraging you, even when you yourself have lost all hope? A friend who would give you the last crumbs of food in the pouch and the last drops of water in the canteen, knowing that he probably will never eat or drink again? A friend who, when seeing that you are too weak to complete the task you have been assigned, would not try to do it himself but rather would carry you on his back so you can complete it and thus receive the honor due your name? This is the kind of friendship that young David and Jonathan, son of Saul, had. A selfless friendship. Oh that we would all find and be this sort of friend.

What speaks to you in LOTR?

Eternity Across Thin Rustled Pages

2004-09-05T23:44:00.000-06:00

Recently, I've been doing a lot more thinking about the Bible. I mean, I've been reading it daily for over two and a half years now, but recently a newfound hunger has been rising up in me. I attribute this to one source: the Lord God answering a prayer I've had for some time now. This summer, as I had a good bit of free time while doing ministry in France, I was able to spend a lot more time than normal just reading and meditating on and memorizing the Scripture. And it seems that the more I get into the Word of God these days, the more I want to just camp out there.

This quote from Jack Hayford really got my attention tonight:
"Exceeding any of its other superlative qualities is the Bible's unique, multi-dimensional power. The Bible breathes with truth that is proven in its power to set human beings free. The Bible transforms individual men and women trapped in any and every order of human failure, lifting them from selfishness and sin to dignity and destiny by the power of the grace it reveals. And the Bible heals the human soul through its unparalleled ability to communicate and infuse love into and through human nature by the power of the Holy Spirit." ("The Essential Message of God's Word")

Do I believe in the power of the Bible to do all this? If I believe it is the Word of God--which I do--then I am compelled to believe all of this. God's Word is alive and active; Hebrews 4:12-13 says as much. And God never lies.

Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness to answer prayers and to give us a hunger for what You know we need most. Your Word is more than direction to me, more than encouragement or teaching. It empowers, transforms, and equips. It renews, refuels, rebuilds, reshapes, realigns. Nowhere else can we find eternity spoken across thin rustled pages. Your Word gives LIFE because it is Your Word, and You are LIFE.

Standing in the Gap

2004-09-04T21:29:00.000-06:00

Scripture
"I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn't have to destroy the land, but I found no one."
Ezekiel 22:30

Observation
The Lord gives Ezekiel the message that, because He finds no one pure and holy and righteous left among His people, He will bring great destruction and punishment upon them. What might prevent this? Someone after righteousness who would seek to rebuild a righteous people. Someone to cry out to God on behalf of his people, begging for forgiveness and renewal. But no such person exists.

Application
I hear the expression "stand in the gap" so much these days that I fear it has become a misunderstood cliche. If I am to earnestly seek to stand in the gap for my people, it means I must not only live a righteous and holy life submitted to God in every way, but also I must beseech others to live such lives, encouraging and teaching them to do so. This way, I would play my part in rebuilding the wall of righteousness that guards our land from evil. I must also cry out earnestly to God to save this land and to rebuild His Kingdom.

Prayer
Lord, what a HUGE mission this is. Thak You for callin me to stand in the gap. Thank You that I CAN'T do this alone, ever. I need and depend on You to make me righteous! Lord, I accept this mission, this calling. Please show me how to play my part in leading a people back to You, to rebuild the wall of righteousness! I love You!

Summer in Strasburg!

2004-09-02T19:01:00.000-06:00

So I spent two months in Strasburg, France this summer helping out some friends of mine who pastor a church there. I love France! And I really look forward to seeing what God has in store for me there in the future...

Me in Strasburg